One has to start wondering how many mean people are in the world. Today, Vivienne and I went to the mall to get a few seasonal smelling candles to try and jump start my Christmas spirit. Its been waning the past few years due to lack of time in organizing, setting up and taking time to enjoy the holidays. This year, since Vivienne will finally 'get it' a little, I want so badly to be able to enjoy the full spectrum.
We went to the candle store, I let her climb and play for a while in the kids area (germ central as I like to refer to it) and then we ate some
Chick-fil-A.
When the guy at the register said my total, it was way off. My meal alone was $4.79. So how could it be $4.02? I asked 2 times but both times he said it was right. The guy next to him couldn't even figure it out. Finally, the manager popped up and saw that he had discounted my sandwich. She must have thanked me 10 times for being truthful. Its funny, I wasn't so much as worried about being truthful as if that poor clerk was going to be short later. I have been on every side of this equation and I hated when people screwed me or my store.
After the 10th apology, she handed me a card for a free lunch. I told her it was not needed, but she put it in my bag and said this, "We give these away all the time to people who complain, it would make me so happy to give it to someone who actually did us a favor."
So, once again, the power of being pleasant works in my favor. Take note, next I am going for a Volvo.
If we aren't talking about me, I am not sure why we are still talking
This might as well be the words that follow every conversation with my mother. I just got off the phone with her and decided its time to vent a little. Welcome to my world.
My mother calls to tell me that she is going out of town tomorrow and to give me the numbers where I can reach her if need be. That should have been a 5 minute conversation. But no. Then she starts in on her dog which has some shoulder problem and needs surgery. I hate her dogs. They are poorly behaved and loud. They are messy and not trained. I listen "uh huh, yep, that stinks."
But I listen.
She then starts in on Christmas and how she isn't going to bother getting the 'perfect gift' for everyone. It stresses her out and everyone will just get something. I told her that she should just buy gifts that she is excited to give. "But that's what stresses me out. I always want to find the perfect thing." Um, but that's not what I meant. And why should it stress you out to find a gift for someone? Maybe I am way out there, but I never have that hard of a time finding presents. I get what I want people to have. Granted, I am not going to buy a Playboy subscription for my Grandfather, even if he does want it. Nor am I going to buy him an arcade game, which I would love to get him but he doesn't need. But I certainly make an effort to get something that I want to give and that he would like to receive. I don't ask what people want, I listen and learn things about them. If I get an idea in April, I write it down for birthdays or Christmas. Maybe this makes me odd.
Anyway, back on track. That started a Christmas discussion. I started to tell her about how far along my gift buying is and this is what I get, "Uh-huh, Oh ok. Well I have to go eat lunch."
Translation: Are we not talking about me anymore? Must be time to go!
A tiny update
My sister is doing well. She is heading to an inpatient treatment center tomorrow and will stay until she is better, 30 days or 6 months, whatever it takes.
What a relief.
My mom on the other hand...she is going for the Oscar for best overly dramatic mother.
A Thanksgiving to, well, Remember
We had a pretty boring Thanksgiving today. Very run of the mill, ordinary, American Thanksgiving. I woke at 830am to bake my Potato Casserole. The family ate an on-the-run breakfast of poptarts and bananas. We all piled into the car and drove to Williamsburg. We arrived at 1130am, visited with Phil's family, ate some grub, said goodbye and left. Now 300pm. When I got home, everything started to rev up.Vivienne went down for a nap and Phil laid on the sofa.
So, I called my Dad who had called twice while we were gone. My sister entered rehab yesterday for a morphine addiction. You heard me, but its a good thing. She has been fighting with other addictions and this one finally caused her to admit the problem. I am so thankful that she has entered some sort of program. But then the phone calls started. Dad talked to sister who talked to boyfriend and the soon-to-be ex-husband. Dad needed to talk to Mom and Mom then wanted to talk to Dad. I am the facilitator. I might as well have that headset that Lily Tomlin wears when she is the phone operator.
I have been facilitating phone calls, passing information, getting website addresses, phone numbers, and rehab detox information. I have been working out details and just listening. I have calmed Mom down from her about-to-pounce mother bear stance and stopped her from knee-jerk reactions. I have explained things to Dad that needed explaining. I am, at 32 and the youngest in the family, being the adult, parent and counselor. Its amazing that I am still able to type this all out. I am mentally and physically exhausted.
I am, most of all, thankful that my sister asked for help, is getting help, and hasn't bailed in her first 48 hours of treatment. I am thankful that my Dad has stepped in and up to the plate, making many arrangments and taking care of business. But most of all, I am thankful that my sister is alive and not on a floor, overdosed on morphine and pills. It might sound odd, but this has been a great day.
Long Time No Blog
Ok, so I had a little falling off the blog wagon for a week or so. Its been 8 days since my last blogging. My, how do I lose a week and nothing much happened?
Well, last week was a real blur, so I am not sure there is anything to report there. Phil went back to work for a period of 10 weeks. It is 34 hours and good pay, but it still sucks a little for while to be at home all day with Senorita WhinyPants.
The
mystery booms in my neighborhood have subsided and are suspected to be solved. They added a certain sense of interest and excitement but with a hint of terror. It reminded me of the days post 9/11. Some might say that is harsh. But the little kid in me still was fascinated with what might happen next. I can only compare it to summer days. When there are 30 days with sun and no clouds, a bad thunderstorm with possibilities of hail is exciting while it is threatening. Now that the booms have been identified, everything seems so, well,
sunny.
Christmas Gift for Dad
This year my father asked my sister and I to forgo the gifts in lieu of each of us writing on a topic of his choosing. He has always thought that my sister and I (she more than I, I suspect) were gifted writers. Not by New Yorker standards, but in general, we aren't dummies.
The topic he gave me is a typical one "Anyone can be a mother, but what does being a Mom mean to you?". I have my reasons, I suppose. I have thought about this for a few weeks and am still trying to figure out how to approach it. I seem to get ideas while doing all my mundane tasks like ironing and driving to Target. By the time I sit in front on the computer....blank. I really need a notebook.
The funny part about all of this is the fact that I have been bothering my dad for months to do blog. I think he has many stories to tell. He loves a good anecdote. He tells me the same stories over and over and they never get old. I love to hear the boyhood experiences he shares and the stories of the characters he has met in the local neighborhood bar.
My dad is a wonderful man who never misses an opportunity to talk to someone new. Not in the way that old men do on planes and in lines, but at a bar or at a restaurant, my Dad is the one who would approach another regular customer with "Hi, Dave White. I notice you are quite the regular face here". From there, Dad and this person would share stories, my father in turn telling me the better ones.
I will convince him one day to return his gift to me by telling me what being a Dad has meant to him. That'll show him.
kids vs. no kids
I went to lunch today with a friend. I have known her for more than 7 years. She was by my side for my whole pregnancy. She was instrumental in executing my baby shower (which we called a baby barbeque and invited everyone we knew), helping take care of my cats while I was in the hospital, she was the first to come and see Vivienne when she was born.
She asked on Monday if I wanted to have lunch with her. Of course, she expected Vivienne as well. Her request was that we go to a place near her work, since she is riding a bike to work these days.
Today, its 48 degrees and raining. I have a 17 month old. We agree on 1130am. At 1115am I get a phone call telling me that she will be 15 minutes late. Goodie. Vivienne and I are already on our way, so I decide to stop by the post office and bank to kill time. Then I have to go into the city (only 2 miles from my house but no parking, traffic, etc) and locate a parking space in 48 degrees, raining, with a toddler and 2 bags. We circle the block a few times and find a place about 5 stores down from the restaurant.
I go in, first customer, and get a table and a high chair. I get Vivienne settled and get her some food. She eats at 1130, so today she is starving, of course. She gets her cheese and kiwi while I sip on a soda. 15 min later, on time, the friend shows up. We both order grilled cheese, fries and enjoy a shared macaroni and cheese. Did I mention the place was called "comfort"?
All in all, lunch was fine. But it did amaze me that she wasn't phased by all my efforts getting me, my toddler and all the crap from the car to the restaurant in cold rain. If it were me, I might have called and suggested some place with a parking lot. Those who have and those who don't are very apparent in these instances.
Kisses for Dad
Tonight Vivienne gave Phil a kiss. This was the first time. She isn't a big cuddler or kisser, so we take what we can get. I was fixing dinner when I hear them both go "MMMMMMMMMMMMaaahhhhh" and Phil says "Oh my god!". I knew right then. What a sucker he is for her. She has him so wrapped. I wonder if I could switch places with him if he would get bored too?
Aren't boys sweet?
Desperate Housewives, Entourage, and The Hudsucker Proxy
Many people are watching this show. I have just started for the last 3 episodes. This shit is good. Not only is there sleaze (which doesn't make any sense to do without when at least 3 people are from Melrose Place), but there is a hefty dose of suspense and humor. Skank and laughter, what better to pull you out of your humdrum life?
I have also started watching Entourage. Another HBO show when its fun to hate every person on there. There is the hot guy, the dumb guy, the sleaze and the nice one. But even the nice one is a scumbag sometimes. I suppose its like real life, only hotter. It depicts a group of 4 friends who all follow their buddy to Hollywood when he gets famous. Now they all live in his house and mooch off of his fortune and women. Suh weet.
Phil and I make it a point to see every Daily Show as well. Other than the news factor, which is just the right mix of liberalism and cynicism, we enjoy all of the commiserating Jon Stewart and the writers do with the anti-Bush sentiment. Its always a pleasure to watch a show where someone speaks your language as to the ridiculousness of it all, politics, wealth, celebrity, etc.
We watched The Hudsucker Proxy this weekend. I had never seen it. Didn't even know it was a Cohen Brothers film at first. It didn't take long to figure it out. I thought Jennifer Jason Leigh did a superb Katharine Hepburn. Phil and I will not soon forget "You know....For kids!"
Craftsman Christmas Crap Classic
My mom made me go with her to this craft show today. For anyone that knows me or of me, I am not a craft person. The phrase "bits of whimsy" causes instant fear in my heart. The sight of country touches like apple and cinnamon ropes with hearts and wooden doll accents makes me cringe. Potpourri is a dirty word in my home (as it means "stink pot" in French anyhoo). I do not have many decorative items in my home. I prefer clean, modern styles with little to no clutter. Life throws enough clutter at me, I don't need to buy my own.
It seemed that 4 out of every 5 women had their Thanksgiving or Christmas sweaters on already. In fact, there were several booths of them. There were 'fun' hats, a lot of fancy homemade jewelry, candles and home scents galore. Those pottery dishes...the ones at all craft shows that proudly display sayings like "My eBay Money", "My Ex- Husband's Ashes" and "My Retirement Money" were everywhere. How quaint.
Phil and I finally made a purchase at the Japanese watercolor booth. We found a great pen, ink and watercolor print of koi and water and lilies. Its very pretty. My mom settled for a brass and copper dish. I have no idea what one does with this except put potpourri in it. Obviously, we don't share the same decorating tastes.
Lastly, giving in to the whims of my in-laws, I got them mugs that say "Grammy and Papa" respectively, so they know who they are while drinking coffee. Honestly, the things we buy for our kids. Argh.
All in all, not a bad time. Amusing to say the least. Its good to get out and see what makes you so special. The fact that I was not in the presence of one other person like me, made me very very happy to be who I am.
DirecTV Never QUITS
I have just received a bill from DirecTV for $100, an Early Cancellation Fee. Ha! When I spoke to the gentleman who canceled my service and specifically told me that it was not my fault and all fees would be waived, I specifically asked the question to avoid this. I paid my last bill of $12.21 on 10/21. This fee was added on 10/28.
I called the No Waiting Line (800 824 9081) and was put right through to Ross who credited my account right away. One has to wonder how often this kind of crap works and someone just writes a check or sends a payment without questions. I so often check grocery receipts and bills and credit card charges to make sure no one is making a mistake. When I go to stores and buy things, I am glued to the checkout screen to make sure I am getting the correct price. Its all computers with rampant human error. You would be stupid not to pay better attention.
So let this be a lesson, DirecTV still sucks and the world is out to screw you.
raccoon eyes
my eyes are very red and swollen. cat isn't doing well, but its to be expected. i am giving him a few more days to allow him the chance to choose to go before i have to make the decision for him. he is not suffering, just not moving, eating or breathing well. i am not posting to get hugs and cheer up posts. i simply want to keep my ever-so-faithful (in a non-religious way) readers informed.
i might be gone for a few. promise to be my witty, inexcusable self when i return. until then, stay sane.
Now that I got that off my chest....
I really want to address how I feel. I am sad. I am disappointed, I am upset. I am mad, scared, pissed, frightened, horrified and depressed. I am concerned, helpless, and enraged. I don't know what I feel at this point.
I am finding it hard to accept this and move on, hence the overwhelming sense of helplessness and hopelessness. All that I hold dear and true was pissed on yesterday. All that I hope for in my life and or my daughter's was proven to be a silly dream.
I cannot start to heal because I am too busy trying to understand all that this means for someone with my beliefs. I cry everytime I start to wonder how America's gay population feels. (I suppose if I was a very conservative christian, I would suggest to them to "switch back"...what a load of shit.) I cry when I think of the rights that may be taken away from me with an all Republican government. I cry when I imagine how Iraqi families must feel. I feel like there is nothing that I can do to stop what will happen. I am simply.....down.
I am not sure I can come together to be a great country. I don't feel like its a great country, not headed up by this man. He represents everything that I am against and I believe everything that he does not. How can I compromise with that? I know that my one vote is supposed to matter, but at this point, I simply don't know how it can.
........
What is there to say? I am a stranger in my own country. I cannot feel a connection with half of this country, who think that it was ok to bomb a country without provocation. I am saddened by all of the ignorant and hateful people that can't see past their ridiculous 'morals' to give rights to a group of people who only want equality. I am sickened by the fact that morals play such a part of my government, when they should be something that is a personal decision. I am frightened at the message we have sent to the world..."58 Million of us think that killing the families in Iraq was a good idea." There is nothing that can help us now.
So, congratulations to you, the American Republican voter who decided to take my morals in your hands. When your child tells you they are gay, when you daughter gets pregnant at 14, when another terrorist blows up another giant building, pat yourself on the back.
*If you are offended, then please stop reading. I have every right to say whatever I like in my own blog. I might not feel this strongly in a few weeks, I might feel the same. But, I highly doubt it.
Votey Voterson
I went at 10am this morning and cast my vote. There was a line which is not common at my voting place. I suppose this means turnout is good. When we arrived, I was greeted by the candidate for City Council and the Lieutenant Governor of Virginia. Not bad for a little neighborhood.
The Republican Candidate left when we were coming out. He got into a brand new (still had 30 days tags) Volvo SUV. Thank goodness I didn't waste my vote there. I just wrote a $759 check for a month of health insurance and he is spending the same on a car. This might require a letter to his campaign. Not to future candidates: Drive a smaller, less expensive car so I know where my money is going. In a 2005 Volvo, you don't need my vote.
Rude? sure.
On a happy note, I am emailing Hershey Foods to ask why they have never made a Reese's Cup the size of a pie? I would buy it and see if that would make me never eat one again. I really really want to try.
I think the election has finally put me over the edge.
Trust and Betrayal
So here is my election diatribe. I felt I needed a place to get this all out once and for all. Maybe then I can be at peace with whatever happens, although its not very likely.
I use the title Trust and Betrayal and wonder why those two words come into my head when I think of the last 4 years. After 9/11, I think the country put our trust in the president, hoping that he would make us feel safe and cocooned in democratic blanket. I think he did, for a few months.
When the Iraq war started, I was against it. I was against everything it stood for. I still am sick over the fact that we attacked a country without provocation. Do you know how many people have died? The latest estimate is 30,000 Iraqi citizens. We lost approximately 1100 of our military, not to mention the rest of the world who agreed to help and many innocent civilians who have been kidnapped. How can this not make you sick?
In America, if there was a serial killer and one of the fathers of a victim killed him, he would be wrong in doing so. He would go on trial and probably get some jail time. You have seen it on Law and Order time and time again. Man kills 'bad man', public is happy, police are happy, many innocent lives saved. But, it is still murder. It is still against the law. This is what we have done in Iraq except its not one person, its tens of thousands.
No matter what my view on abortion and women's rights, gay marriage, taxes, and religion, this is one thing that I can not overlook. Am I scared of what will happen if Kerry is elected? You betcha. But I am more frozen with fear, dread and absolute desperate sorrow of what might happen if George Bush is told by a (slight) majority of the US people that his actions will be overlooked.
Tomorrow, I will go to my voting place and cast my ballot. I will walk away knowing that I have done all I can do.
